Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Day 22

The Loris: Main Attributes: Small, fuzzy, abso-freaking-lutely adorable, hangs about, eats a diet of fruits, small insects, gummibeary juice and Lembas bread. Defecates rainbows and happy dreams for children. Exudes a deadly toxin from elbows, though only deadly if you eat the Loris. It's bite causes Anaphylaxis in a many humans. See Also: Viper(replacement for).

I should begin by saying this is far, far, far, far far to the power of infinity more preferable than having the viper back in the building. He was creepy and menacing while being completely incapable of doing his job. However though we have replaced our venomous reptile with a cute and cuddly mammal, we should continue to be aware that the end of this interaction, we are dead either way.

This iteration of the liquidator has some things going for her. For starters she is a dead-eye shot with a display. We could have used these skills in our merchandising team for years. You know, back when we could merchandise with creativity. She's got that down. I don't impress easily in this arena being a crack shot merchandiser myself, but shes got skills that will make me not able to pay my bills, fo sheezy.

Also she is organized like a Union Rally. I am impressed. This lady knows whats what, and she is not shy about telling you something is wrong. She is up front and she seems to be honest. I'm not sure she's a great communicator, but unlike the viper, the Loris tells you stuff and seems, in the short term at least, to be consistent.

But there is this laugh or nervous giggle after everything she says, like...she knows something you don't know. A small mammalian chitter like she's seeing something you can't see. Its sweet and disconcerting. One of my co-workers compares her to adorable death eater Delores Umbridge, but i don't think thats quite there yet. I think she's kind of like...Alice's Queen of Hearts without the capriciousness. Yes, thats it. There seems to be a dare behind that giggle.

Like "so thats what i want you to do, tee hee, and if you don't... oh the mess I shall make with your innards! Isn't that right mr. Wuggles, oh mr wuggles gets so cross when you don't merchandise product properly it makes him just want to gnash on your brain with his teefy weefies. tra la la la! " {skips away leaving bloody footprints behind}

And as Stanley Kubrick as that may be, it's not the most distressing bit.

With all of it, the Organization, the creativity, the jocular blood lust, there is a potent note of ancient Rome throughout. She seems to me to be expecting that not only will you do things her way as she wants it, regardless of years of managment experience to the contrary, but you will be Enthusiastic about it. We are all Hop-frog to her unnamed king. We should dance and we should joke to her liking, and we should enjoy it...for if we don't {draws finger across throat indicating death, or a really wide throat}.

Whilst doing my best to rally for the upcoming fixture sale I took a moment to comment on a display she was making, and also use it as an opportunity to discuss her background, which i'm curious about.
"you must have some back ground in merchandising, because this is a really clever display" says i.
"I've been blah blah blah blah 14 years blah blah etc" says she. Her mind bent toward continuance (just began re-reading Rebecca, I love that book, bear with me) she declares "I'm doing this so that hopefully you all will see it and it will get your creative juices flowing."

Okay first of all, ick. I hate that expression. Secondly, really? Really. You honestly expect us to see your handiwork combining the near-litter downcycled driftwood you've pulled into the store with our things that enrich your life and blind people with the lightbulb that goes off in our head? Honestly? You seem really smart, i can't believe you're this naive...oh...right you're not. Because of the giggle. You see the giggle is polite punctuation that says This is how i expect it, don't want to do it my way...off with your head.

And then there are the announcements. This isn't first hand i'm afraid, but it seems she wants us to make over head announcements to the effect of the great deals you can get in the store. Like those strange canned people at macy's say during the holiday season. She wants us to get on the pa system and say things like "Wow, you got that yoga mat for 25% off?"
"I sure did, and got some great fake Nautica Cologne/Dioxin weapon for less than 10 bucks. And also Anna Karenina!"
Apparently this impacts sales. Ladies and Gentleman, this research brought to you by DARPA and the MK Ultra program. She wants us to practically sing a happy tune about the demise of a beloved company. Or else. Ancient Rome.

I have an almost endless font of respect for tough as nails women from my mom to Ellen Ripley. One of the greatest people i've ever known was my GM from my Suburban CT store. I learned so much from her, and the one thing I remember learning from watching, instead of from the endless hours she spent schooling me on how I wasn't as clever as I thought I was, was that sometimes you draw a line. And in what has become trite borders speak, I'm sure, "you choose what hill you're going to die on." And that, is just that. Its you, or it's them, and it damn sure isn't going to be you. Seeing her move through the store, all leggings and tunic and afrocentric beads Her enormous eyeglasses filled with dilated pupil, to confront a customer who was mistreating one of HER bookseller was a thing of terrifying beauty. It was rare and it was powerful. But with the Loris I sense a long fought history. I sense a person who has put up with enough shit for 10 people and isn't having it any more. I respect the hell out of this, I hope this is the Loris I see more of. But I also get the impression she has in her mind that This is the hill we are all going to die on, we can die later by fighting the fight her way and learning to like it, or we can die now and just be done with it.

I'm inspired by the words of an old New England Doctor, to poetry:

Yes, I am the Loris who speaks for the greed, and you are not shopping as fast as I please.

I'm also in charge of these book seller folks, who played in the shade in their Bookseller suits, and happily lived shelving this book and that.

Now, thanks to your shopping ( your greed knows no bounds!) These Booksellers seem to be just waiting around.

I do see your point...are these pigs discounted too?

Yes of course they are sir, buy one in in pink and in blue!

Out of kindness you ask, what will they do?

Well they loved living here, but I can't let them stay. They'll have to find jobs, I hope that they may.

Truly a sadness, bookstores are no more, But at this discount prices why buy one pig, I'll buy four!

I am the Loris I speak for the greed, as long as my paycheck is fattened, that is my creed.

I'm cute and I'm kind I might seem a good pet, but a liquidator I am, lest you forget.

1 comment:

  1. the picture you posted with this entry does in some ways resemble the Lorax.. appropriate metaphor.