Friday, August 5, 2011

Day 18

I'm going to touch you with my paws because I love you.

They're going to think i'm writing furry fanfic now, cadi.

I don't care. I'm going. to touch you. with my paws. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. And also, lick.

Cadi, i love you too. But really, i need to formulate what I'm going to blog about today. It was a horrible day.

I will also wag my tail, also because i love you.

But seriously that guy was going to hit me. I mean, he was pulling his fist back. I had to ask him what he was going to do with them.

When i chew on this stuffed chile pepper, it makes a sound. Try it.

I don't have time, i need to figure out how to write this without my blog being invaded by the asshole army in perpetuity. The day was so, bad. They called the cops on a bookseller! who does that?

Today i peed 3 times.

But cassies mom brought in pizza for everyone and complimented me on the blog, which was awesome. Its the first live human conversation i've had with someone i don't work with or live with.

That, sir...gets a tail wag.

And The Viper was noticeably absent today. Things are always a little less stressful when he's not there. I've even noticed that he's mellowed out, for reasons i won't go into, but still. it's a nice change.

I'm me dance!

So the guy who was going to hit me, he said he didn't feel bad for us and that he was unemployed so he really didn't give a shit. Ha! I asked him if that technique worked for him elsewhere. He said, get this, he said That I was empowered to make a 9 dollar decision and i should give him the book. He said, it wasn't charity he paid for the card and got the free book coupon. And that i had the authority to make a 9 dollar decision.

hold on, i'm going to sit...i've got to hear this.

I told him if I gave him the book for free I would lose my job today instead of in September, so i was going to keep my job, thank you. I told him 3 weeks ago I could have made a 9 dollar decision for him, but It wasn't borders stuff any more. It was a liquidators. I am powerless, I'm literally here to open the doors and turn on the lights.

I'm just going to sweep this little bit of floor with my tail, keep going. I'm all ears, i can even put them at a jaunty angle so you know i'm interested.

Why thank you. So he was pulling his arm back, and his fist was all balled up and he looked like one of those old timey cartoon thermometers that goes red and then explodes-

Walter Lantz is an unsung genius.

uh...right. okay. so i looked at him and asked what he was going to do with that while glancing at his fis-

Chilly Willy. Blows. MY. MIND.

Can we discuss Mid-century animation later? I'm trying to figure this blog post out, i don't know what to write about, and ...well artsy blogstar gets tetchy if I don't deliver in a timely fashion.

Hey man, it was your metaphor. Have i shown you the chile pepper? Seriously you chew this thing and it sounds like darth vader dancing the cha cha cha. Here, i'll show you again.

It is a pretty cool chile pepper.

I know, Right?

Anyway, So he was clearly going to hit me, i called him on it before it got too far, mind you all of this is at the queue so we're being observed by a line full of people, and he chilled out for a second. Got close to me and said "do yourself a favor, at your next job make a 9 dollar decision, it'll make you go further." All the while there is a tiny lady next to me trying to get my attention. He just keeps interrupting her.

NO he did not.

So i said to the lady next to me, who was trying to interrupt our altercation to help her find a book, "i'm not taking career advice from an unemployed guy!" She laughed and said the guy was a jerk, and good for me for standing my ground. Dude just walked away.

That. Is. AWESOME! Look i'm standing! I'm going to dance! wait...the cops?

Oh that. When we hired the international jewel thief and fine art smuggler known to the FBI as "arctic fox" i should have known we'd run into a problem with her stealing money from unbeknownst customers at our cash register by using her jedi powers to trick the person into giving her 100 dollar bills instead of 1 dollar bills.

Jedi jewel thieves? You guys will hire anyone.

It's true. I mean, i'm seriously stressed here. Normally my post sort of comes together on the way home, music i'm listening too, or the news something kind of...directs me.

Will it help if i rest my head on your knee?


Will it hurt?


'Kay then. Thats whats happening....there we go, chin knee. knee chin.

Tonight the drive home was nice. The moon was all ruddy and cut in half and kicked back at this angle that looked like it was putting it's feet up and watching tv. I couldn't help but think it looked like how i wanted to look.

Because you're tired?

Yeah i'm tired. I'm tired of all these damn people coming in and having no consideration for the beings that work there. I know they all have lives with challenges and anger and sadness and probably nobody brings them pizza at work and says sweet things about the way they write. I know they don't like losing money even on accident. I know it's really upsetting to be expecting a free book and not being able to get it. Shit happens though. I'm sure that when people in iceland were told, oh of our giant volcanoes has blocked out the skies of all of europe, they were probably upset they weren't able to fly where they wanted to, but volcanoes explode, man, it's what they do.

Preach it! but scratch my ears while you do.

I sell books. These are fun things. Learned things. Happy things. Why should i have to deal with people who are just so miserable and so filled with internal decay and so tiny minded and sad that they feel the need to be this way? I sell books.

Humans are wonderful strong frail ugly things. In order to have the deep and profound joy of a human connection, sometimes you have to put up with the craven and the conceited. You have to look back through all the times you've been levitated by all the kindness and joy that a wonderful moment of true human connection can bring you,even at work, and you have to think this is why i interact with the world. This is why i bother to go out in the morning instead of just laying in your own filth. People do things to hurt you, but when they do, it's never about you, it's about them and what they've lost. But you have to know that someday, someone is going to come into your life and make you forget all of that. Levitate you with kindness and joy. It might just be pizza, or coffee and doughnuts, or rescuing you from an angry man about to explode because he can't get a free book. But what it really is is a moment one human took to look at you and say, I this small way...make your life better, so i'm going to. That is huge magic. You should write about that in your blog. And also...seriously put this chile pepper between your teeth and squeeze! it does NOT disappoint.

How did you get to know all of this? You're a dog?

Nobody knows all of this better than a dog, especially one like me, from the shelter.

You want to write my blog for the night?

can't, thumbs.

well in that case, put your paws on me 'cause i love you!

I'm gonna!

Hey cadi?

talk and pat at the same time.

so why do you sound like Joan Cusack whenever we have these conversations?

I don't, you just have a weird mind.



  1. oh jeez, i was standing off to the side while em was trying to help those customers figure out what happened to their money. i found it so hard to believe that a cashier would not notice the difference between a $1 bill and a $100 bill AND that the customer wouldn't have noticed that they were handing over a bunch of $100s instead of $1s. i may be long-since gone from the retail biz, but i'm pretty sure things haven't changed that much!

    i really enjoyed the set-up of this entry. it was a lot of fun to read. your dog is a smart pup!

  2. Cory, that was awesome. You have a brilliant dog, by the way - very wise. And A Warner, now I understand what the artic fox bit was about, thanks.

  3. Cory, we don't know each other, but I'm a bookseller/keyholder in another store. I've been following your posts since about day 3, and while I don't get the chance to read up every day, I do catch up when I can.

    I'd like to thank you, or Cadi, as it were, as that very insightful paragraph speaks not only to what is going on with us as a company, but was something I very desperately needed to read tonight.

    Keep hanging in there, and please, keep writing. You're wonderful.

  4. I admit, guiltily, to being a week and a half behind. At first, Cory, I started to fear for your sanity. Retail and customer service are two of the most miserable, soul-wrenching jobs I have ever had. However, I understood what Cadi had to say, and as an extension of you, was able to convey it in the eloquence with which you write. I really hope someone in power sees this and offers you a book deal of your own. How ironic that it would not be a Border's that carries your future best seller!

  5. Hey BusyWorkingMom, you are a Busy working mom, so being behind on my blog, aint so bad! Thank you for checking in with it! and taking the time to post.