Day 24

Alpha Centaurian Ellipses Cycle, 290,421,288.11

Chief Archaeological officer BRRRRRRRRZT of the Vaaxi Republic resource vessel "Elvis Costello" watches with confusion as he tries to sort out the security video record of strange commerce rituals of early 280 millionth ellipses cycles denizens of the Planet fragment called Shmong, local name, earth.

"it seems" he sneezes pensively into his germcorder "that these creatures, locally called "humans" purchase things that once comprised a commerce center, as that commerce center declines. They call it "selling fixtures" but I'm having difficulty making out precisely what they are doing, I'm going to try applying a text to speech widget." BRRRRRRRRRZT licks a few nodules on his apple i-squid and a small box appears around the mouths of the otherwise silent video stars. Soon words begin scrolling into view, but this only perplexes the poor Chief Archaeological Officer futher.

He watches the long line of people stretching through what appears to be a "cafe" and walking up to a "register" presumably to make their purchase. Each person in line makes a purchase with the male "human" and then the female "human" marks each item that was paid for, appropriately.

"Apparently this is referred to by the people of shmong as first come/ first serve it appears to be a frequently observed custom as the participants seemed to largely organically organize themselves into the line and comprehend what was happening with little or no prompting form the representatives of the commerce center"

BRRRRRRRRZT turns the chromatophores beneath his ears a violent shade of fuscia, the vaaxi expression that indicates confusion. and as any citizen of the republic will tell you a vexed vaaxi is a thing to avoid.

"One of the humans 4 groups back, appears to be denying a human the item he just purchased" He germcords.

{what appears next is the exact transcript of the incident}

"No sir, it's first come first serve, that chair belongs to this man." (human male identified as "cory who will alphabetize for food" via ident medallion)

"No it is not, i was here the second the door opened and i claimed these 2 chairs he cannot have one of them."

"This is what first come/first serve means sir, so I'm afraid he is getting that chair."

"Thats not happening."

"It IS happening sir, thats how first come/first serve works."

"Nobody told ME it was going to be like this."

"Thats just not true, we told every one standing in this line that it will be first come first serve, stand in line, pay for your item, then they will be marked paid and you can have them. It's how it's done."

"Well then i'm taking this guys chair!" {points to human in line behind him}

"i'm not getting a chair"

"You get my point, you're going to have lots of angry people here!"

"Sir, i'm not because we told everyone it would be first come first serve."

"Thats not happening, i'm taking this chair."

"NO SIR, YOU ARE NOT! I AM THE AUTHORITY IN THIS MATTER and I ASSURE YOU YOU ARE NOT GETTING THAT CHAIR, THIS GENTLEMAN WHO STOOD IN LINE AND PAID FOR IT IS."

"OH WELL YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF ANGRY PEOPLE HERE, WHO THINKS THIS IS FAIR, DO YOU ALL THINK HE SHOULD GET TO BUY THE CHAIR???"

general mumbles from the crowd indicate agreement with "Cory who will alphabetize for food" and no support for the angry chair man. apparently humans take their "first come/first serve" custom very seriously.

"SIR, YOU ARE NOT LISTENING, I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CROWD THINkS, THIS IS NOT A DEMOCRATIC SITUATION, I MAKE THE RULES, I DETERMINED IT WOULD BE FIRST COME FIRST SERVE, AND WE TOLD EVERYONE THAT IN THEIR INITIAL PHONE CALL. GET ANGRY AT ME ALL YOU WANT, I DON'T CARE IF YOU GET ANY CHAIRS."

"Fine." Man sits down in chair. Female human goes around counter and stickers it for the person at the register. Person at the register thanks "Cory who will alphabetize for food" for sticking up for his merchandise.

{transcript ends}

"Some Shmongoids just don't get it."BRRRRRRRRZT says as he packs up the case file with a few other things including evidence of something called a "blog" He snortles with laughter as he reads the end of entry that details this specific event and "Cory who will alphabetize for food's" feelings on it.

{blog transcript follows}

I don't even recognize my job anymore. There is nothing left of what it once was. I am officially now totally confused, and what was a job I adored is now simply an opportunity to be yelled at by greedy cheap carrion feeders. My staff is running about, practically using a spirt level, to make sure paper signs that say "30% off" are hung exactly level. We have a dozen skids of merchandise in our warehouse and the whole staff, except for me and {name translates as $$$} are busy putting signs up just to be asked "whats the discount on this anyway". We're going into Friday with a warehouse full of inventory. Whose the braniac who thought this up?

The loris smiles, but never is saying anything nice. Even while eating in the break room she mentions packing the whole thing up and selling it eventually. The store is just a series of garish displays of crap crap and more crap, with a few books sprinkled in to give it legitimacy. I don't think i saw a single bookseller smile today.

The beginning was hard, but this...this is something wholly unexpected. I sold a doorknob today. A doorknob. A man tried to dicker with me because of the price of something and said "it's used..." as an excuse to get it more cheaply. "I know, thats why it's only 45 dollars and not 100." I watched strangers pick up and pack into their cars the physical bits of my cafe, admittedly a cafe i didn't love, but it was mine. Now the ants are marching carrying bits of it,like chewed up leaves,on their backs.

And that guy who yelled at me. Over a chair? He could have bought it more cheaply at an Ikea. Which ultimately he decided when i told him i'd sell him one for 175 bucks. "oh thats ridiculous i'll buy it new" yup. okay. please do. He didn't just yell at me, i yelled back. I don't yell. I was shaking i was so angry. Poor {name translates as $$$} looked so concerned. That guy had plenty of money. He could have easily bought one somewhere new. But it was so important he get this super cheap deal of a lifetime that he would eschew centuries of tradition and common sense to think that "first come first serve" only applies to everyone else. He's very important, you see. He gets what he wants in life. Well, not today.

Even aliens from the distant future could realize that working in a bookstore shouldn't mean having to get into shouting matches about anything! And even those aliens from the distant future could tell that guy was an asshole.

{blog transcript ends}